


find all the answers to the questions you've been asking

by theprincessed



Series: Robert Week 2018 [2]
Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Family Feels, Gen, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Loss of Parent(s), Near Future
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-05
Updated: 2018-09-05
Packaged: 2019-07-07 08:46:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,961
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15904893
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/theprincessed/pseuds/theprincessed
Summary: Robert takes Aaron, Liv and Seb to see Pat and Sarah.(Day 2: Emotional Scene)





	find all the answers to the questions you've been asking

**Author's Note:**

> Hiya! Day 2! I don't know why I ended up with this, but I like it.
> 
> Hope you enjoy x

Anniversaries can still be awkward, difficult affairs, even when things are going well. Despite Aaron moving on and Robert trying to, the marking of their first wedding anniversary was quiet, heart-wrenching and, for a moment of vulnerability, utterly soul destroying. Luckily, he doesn't have to worry about it anymore, now that he and Aaron are back together and married, legally this time. The memory still aches in his chest as that day in February comes around, but it's tinged with happiness again, unlike so many anniversaries Robert has in his heart.

He doesn't think about it most of the time; wouldn't function if he did, but it feels right to do so today, a couple of months shy of a whole year of being proper newlyweds with Aaron and their hotch-potch family at the Mill. The weather has been timely this year, the August heat cloying but the sunshine entirely welcome, not least because it gets Liv and Seb out of the house, playing in the garden. Robert had wanted to leave them to have their fun, water fights and a paddling pool, but Aaron had gently insisted that they all come here together because, just like everything else about Robert, he knows.

He knows - _remembers_ \- the date. He knows how Robert can feel on these days. Some years it passes without ceremony, but today he's drawn in, the hole in his chest like a cavernous, greedy vacuum ready to swallow him whole as they pick their way through the many laid here, trying to keep it relaxed, informal, like any other anniversary, happy or sad.

He passes Jack's headstone first and keeps walking with barely a glance. It's not about him today, despite it being his wife. Nerves shake Robert's fingers the nearer he gets, but he's surprised when Aaron catches hold of his hand and squeezes. He returns the gesture and breathes in deep as they reach her name, Liv halting a few steps ahead with Seb in both her arms.

She frowns. "I thought we were gonna see Sarah?"

Seb talks nonsense and ordinarily, they'd be praising him, encouraging, as he navigates the world of language but Robert feels his heart clench tighter and suddenly he needs to have him close.

"We will," he tells her. "I just need to do somethin' else first."

She looks confused as he juggles the flowers into the crook of his elbow and she passes Seb to him. He finds he can't get the words out straight away, but none are needed when Aaron rubs a gentle hand down his back and he watches her blue eyes leave his face and study the headstone in front of them.

_Patricia 'Pat' Ruth Sugden_

_Died 26th August 1986._

Robert shares a look with Aaron and he takes the flowers, laying them at the headstone. Maybe he'll come back alone later and put them in the planter. He kisses Seb's forehead, glad that he's unaware of the significance and leans into Aaron's arm, knowing Liv can't be fobbed off.

He swallows dryly and begins. "Y'know how Andy's adopted?" Liv comes to stand on the other side of him, so that he's surrounded by his family. "And Sarah's my mum? Well, she didn't give birth to me. Sarah had Vic with my dad, but my birth mother died too. Liv, this is Pat, my other mum."

"Wow," she says, after a long pause. "That's heavy."

"Is that some weird teenage slang?" he asks, trying to lighten the mood.

Liv rolls her eyes. "No, shut up!"

He sees her hesitate then and smiles softly. "Go on, what is it?"

"How - how did she die? Did you see that too?"

"Liv!" Aaron groans, "It's not about that - "

Robert shakes his head at Aaron and shifts a wriggly, undoubtedly bored Seb, to his other arm to be able to put his hand on Liv's shoulder. "It's fine. She died in a car accident and no, I didn't see it. I was only a few months old." He watches her eyes grow the size of saucers. "I was just a baby," he hastens to add, squeezing her shoulder to reassure her and to anchor himself, saying the words he's always told himself and others to try and lessen the pain of losing the first tie to who he is. "Liv, I don't know any different. Dad hardly talked about her. I guess it was too painful, maybe, although he did say she'd be proud of me."

"She would." Aaron says, eyes shining with tears. One of Robert's favourite things about him is his all-encompassing empathy. 

Robert looks down at his feet, unsure, until a little hand slides clumsily from his shirt collar to his cheek, breaking the emotion clogged in his throat to make him huff a quiet laugh at Seb. He adjusts his restless son on his hip, deciding not to say anything about what she'd think of him. Who knows. "Pat, this is Seb. Your first grandson." Instead of playing ball, Seb reaches for Aaron and Robert grins. "Like father, like son, eh? You know about Aaron, obviously. A lot."

He's a little embarrassed about how much he's talked about Aaron to her and to Sarah, even if it's only inside his head as he's going about his day, but he's saved from blushing by Liv.

"You've been here before?"

"'Course," he shrugs easily. "I know everything about him."

Robert snorts. "C'mon, let a guy have some mystery!"

"Not a chance," he quips back, making Liv sigh at their flirty bickering. Robert sees Aaron's gaze soften again, silently communicating as he slightly moves his head to the right.

Robert gestures Liv in front of him, hands on her shoulders. He can feel her nerves, but he's not nervous anymore. Introducing the whole of his family to one of his mums feels as natural as breathing. "And this is Liv. My sister."

Liv turns her head. "Sister-in-law."

Robert looks at her hard. " _Sister_."

"Soppy git," she grumbles, pink-cheeked, and he gives her a little push before pulling her into his side and easing his other arm around Aaron's waist.

"The point is, this is my family, and for the first time in years, I'm really happy. I made something of myself, even though - even though you're not here."

Feelings swell into a tidal wave and he sniffs back the tears, desperate to bury himself in an Aaron hug. He settles for resting their foreheads together, bringing Liv round into their huddle, Seb in the middle, a picture of a strong bond. They pull away when Seb starts to fuss and Liv breathes out, glad to put a few inches of personal space between them as they say their final goodbyes to Pat and make their way to Sarah's grave to finish. It's not the anniversary of her death today, but it feels wrong to leave without paying their respects. For a long time, Robert didn't - couldn't - even do this for her, let alone Pat, but it feels good to maybe start a tradition now that makes his heart a lot lighter to bear.

A slight sense of pride tickles him as Liv and Aaron ask him some more questions as they walk and he's telling them the very little Jack told him as a boy about the Merricks, his other half brothers and half-sister out there somewhere when they arrive at Sarah's grave. Unlike Pat's overgrown patch with an increasingly illegible headstone that's seen better days, Sarah's is well kept, clear and already has flowers perched in the planter. They look to be a couple of weeks old and for the first time in a long while, Robert thinks about making an effort to replace them. His plans to memorialise her since he's been back in the village haven't exactly gone well, but maybe this winter will be different.

Robert takes half a step towards the headstone and puts a hand there, crouching down. The loss is more powerful here, having spent 14 years being mothered by her and it steals his breath before he remembers Aaron's presence behind him, always asking if he's okay to carry on, even without saying a word. 

"Hi, Mum." He smiles, rubbing the edge of the smooth stone with his thumb. "Thought I'd bring Aaron, Liv and Seb to see Pat. It was about time, I think. Telling people stuff about me feels weird," he chuckles, his family's eyes on his back, "but good-weird. I'm doing okay. In fact, I've never been happier. Funny how things change. I'll come back with Vic soon, I promise. Miss you everyday."

He drops a kiss to his fingers and his fingers to the headstone before turning around. The sight before him has his chin quiver. Looking right at him, Liv has her hands in her pockets, but Aaron's hand is on her shoulder as he holds Seb close, his little head tucked into his other's dad's neck, his fist curled into the material of Aaron's t-shirt like he did when he was a tiny baby. Robert hopes he gets to look at this forever, with maybe a few additions in future if they're lucky. Liv has been making noises lately that Aaron is bereft that they still don't have a dog yet and how good it'll be for Seb to be around animals like he is when they visit Wishing Well or Butler's.

"Lunch at the pub?" he asks, coming towards them. "My treat."

"Well, if you're paying..." Liv agrees.

"Hey," he smiles, "take Seb a sec, will ya?"

He looks too perfect in Aaron's arms to disturb, but Robert still has his selfish moments so he promises to get her whatever she wants at the pub. Sensing their about to have a moment, she does them a favour by slowly walking a few paces ahead, Seb back to dozing on her shoulder. Briefly free of obligations, Robert grabs Aaron's hand as they come to the exit of the cemetery. 

"Thank you," he says, lifting their entwined fingers to kiss Aaron's roughened knuckles.

"For what?"

Robert stops. "Everything, really. For letting me be who I am, for letting me introduce Liv to my family, even though most of 'em live in there now."

He jerks his thumb at the cemetery, trying for a joke but when he looks up Aaron's face is serious. "Like ya said, she's your sister too. And I know it meant a lot to her, you opening up. Means a lot to me an' all, so thank you as well."

He goes to catch up with Liv as she reaches The Woolpack but Robert lets his hand go to draw him in by his waist. Warmth radiates inside him as Aaron automatically rubs the patched elbows of his summer blazer. "I wasn't finished. Thank you for always being there when I need ya. I couldn't do any of this without you. Thank you for marrying me, I love you so much."

Aaron groans, playfully unimpressed. "You're gettin' even softer in your old age, mate,"

"Yeah?" Robert raises his eyebrows, aligning their hips in broad daylight. "You wanna say that again or tell me you love me instead?"

He adds a tickle to Aaron's side for good measure until they're both giggling and swaying. "Alright, alright! I love ya!"

Robert kisses him for his trouble, palms cupping his face. It's chaste but full of meaning and they grin dopily at each other as they part and follow Liv and Seb into the pub, back to holding hands. Time at the cemetery isn't exactly inherently romantic, but it's good to talk about the past in the same breath as the future.

Joined, bright, and stretching years ahead. Until he's 80 years old, at least.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading, lovelies x
> 
> I'm on tumblr at [theprincessed](http://www.theprincessed.tumblr.com). Come chat to me. :)


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